


Questionable Insanity

by Soulmated



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Apologies, First Dates, Gay, Gay Sex, M/M, Regret, Restaurants, Waiter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-10
Updated: 2014-03-10
Packaged: 2018-01-15 06:27:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1294843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Soulmated/pseuds/Soulmated
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur is dragged out of a slump by Merlin, leaving him to wonder whether the smiling fool was indeed insane.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Questionable Insanity

**Author's Note:**

> It's days like these I dream about what it would actually be like if Merlin were mine! Though, him being Arthurs softens the blow ;) xx

Arthur was _pissed_!

He had been under the impression that being the CEO of one of the largest and most successful international software businesses that the issue of whether the prestigious position would come with the benefits such as worldwide respect would have been a given.

It wasn’t as if it was too much to ask for!

And yet, here he sat in a expensive – yet highly delectable – restaurant where the manager knew him by name being…being verbally _assaulted_ by a twat of a waiter who thought it appropriate to lecture him, _him_ , on manners!

The bloody nerve!

“…and if you really want good service than it might be a good idea to not be rude to the person handling your food – not that I would ever do something gross to your food, like spit in it which would be so _gross_ , but you get the picture…”

Arthur stared.

Did the boy ever shut up?

“…you telling me your glass is dirty is also ridiculous, I mean they go through a washer and a steriliser before their all dried _by hand_ by Gwen who cares very much for her job and…”

Apparently not.

Glancing at his watch Arthur shook his head in wonder as the boy continued to almost cheekily inform him of all his faults when it came to his abrupt complaint to the obviously new waiter if his lack of respect and manners was anything to go by. Not only did the kid not seem to understand how often he dined in this particular favourite restaurant of his, but from the cringing looks of the other staff it was clear they hadn’t chosen to inform him either.

“…pretty blonde hair…”

_Wait, what?_

“What did you just say?”

It wasn’t often he blanked out conversations, not liking the disadvantage it put him at when it came to being put on the spot, but he definitely _hadn’t_ been distracted by the cheerfulness of the voice, nor the just fucked look the kid seemed to have mastered to a T – then again, it wouldn’t surprise him if the kid just hadn’t bothered to brush the black strands that curled around his enormous ears Arthur did _not_ find cute in their own quirky way. 

He got a frown. “Huh?”

“Did you not get taught that the customer is always right?” he demanded.

Brown eyes blinked owlishly.

“Huh?”

For goodness sake… “You are _arguing_ with me.”

He was on the receiving end of yet another blank look. “I know,” was the simple reply, looking at Arthur as if _he_ was the one who was a few crayons short of a full box. “I’m not stupid.”

Arthur raised a brow. “Really? Could’ve have fooled me.”

Not finding the deliciously red tinge to the boys previously pale skin utterly enchanting, Arthur chose to ignore the “prat” which was muttered and instead turned his attention back to the menu.

“I’ll have the venison-“

“But that’s baby deer!” he was cut off with a horrified shout. He startled. “How can you eat a baby deer you monster!”

What the fuck?

Clearly the kid must be _special_ if he thought questioning a customer on their meal choice was the right thing to do, but Arthur could hardly believe that Gaius would hire an employee who he didn’t believe could do the job efficiently.

“I’m sure it will be delicious!” Arthur teased, just to watch the pale cheekbones that looked sharp enough to cut glass flush deeper in their red.

He huffed. “I’m Merlin by the way,” he felt it appropriate to mention.

Arthur raised a brow. “Oh, hello _Mer_ lin. Why don’t you take a seat since you look rushed off your feet?” he offered sarcastically with a casual gesture to the empty seat in front of him.

He did not expect _Mer_ lin to actually take him up on his offer as he grinned widely, momentarily blinding Arthur with the sheer beauty of it before making himself comfortable in the soft high back chair.

“Thanks,” he gushed. “You have no idea of the day I’ve had. It’s been hectic. You’ll never guess…”

Arthur stared open mouthed at the sheer balls the kid had. Did he not understand that he was in a position of authority to have the boy fired if he so much whispered a word of complaint to Gaius? or did he simply just not care? It wasn’t as if Arthur didn’t bring a large number of high class clientele to the restaurant or anything…

Listening to the kid drone on and on about the rain, the subway and not to mention something that had to do with a wrong order, Arthur despite himself found his lips tugging up into a slight smile at the pure innocence which seemed to radiate off the boy.

Clearly this Merlin genuinely didn’t believe he was in the wrong at all. In fact he was treating Arthur as if he had known him for years, and not since he had walked towards his table.

It was just…surreal.

“So, do you know what you’re going to order?”

Arthur snapped out of it. “Why? Are you going to order it for me?”

He knew his tone must have been slightly on the hostel side, but he had no respect for people who didn’t do their jobs correctly.

Merlin shrugged. “Sure. As long as it’s not some poor baby animal that’s been butchered too young just so you can stuff your face with it,” he replied bluntly.

Again, despite himself Arthur made a point of picking up the menu and scanning it over. “What about the ravioli? Surely no baby animals died for that?”

It was clear with Merlin’s reply that his snappy tone was completely lost on him as he reached over to pluck the menu straight from his fingers. He nodded. “I’ll get you the vegetarian cheese one. It’s lovely and no animals suffered so you could fill your stomach.”

With that he was walking towards the bar with a spring in his step. Arthur stared speechless.

Feeling his phone go off he sighed, shifting so he could pull it from his pocket before rolling his eyes when he saw _Morgana_ flash on the front screen.

_Where are you? ~_ M

Short, straight to the point and lacking affection. It was Morgana all over.

_The Round Table_ ~ A

_Meet you there in ten_ ~ M

Snorting, Arthur pocketed his phone before looking up in annoyance when he saw the seat in front of him was once again taken by the grinning waiter who seemed to eye him with obvious delight.

“I ordered your food for you.”

“Lovely,” Arthur answered flatly. “Wait, are you going to _join_ me?” he gaped when the boy made no move to actually leave after informing him that he had finally done his job and ordered his bloody food.

Merlin’s grin widened, white teeth flashing brightly. “I would love to. Thanks.”

_Bloody hell_ , the kid was clearly short of a great deal of brain cells.

“I’m expecting someone.”

Merlin nodded good naturally. “Really? Are they nice?”

Arthur paused, actually thinking about it even if it was an abnormally strange situation. Was Morgana nice? He wanted to laugh at the idea that she was.

“She’s…she can be I guess,” there was that time after he graduated from university and he got a hug from her. That was nice, right? Then again, she had wanted to hook up with his last dorm mate at the time so trying to butter him up was a possible motive for her sudden spark of family affection. 

“She, huh?” Merlin looked disappointed. “Does that mean you aren’t gay?”

Coughing up the sip of red wine he hadn’t had the time to swallow Arthur glared as he held his napkin against his mouth as he coughed and spluttered, neither wanting to make a mess nor a scene.

Neither were his style.

“ _Excuse me?”_ he stuttered out.

Merlin’s smile had dimmed despite the slight amusement in his eyes. Arthur was shockingly unhappy at the fact the previous bright and glowing smile had faded into slightly pursed lips.

It didn’t suit him, not at all.

“Gay. Not the happy kind, though I still think it describes both words perfectly. I’m happy and I’m gay so it suits me perfectly fine, I don’t mind being referred to as either.”

“Huh?”

Merlin rolled his eyes. “You know, homosexual. You prefer a bit of cock and balls than the bits girls have.”

Arthurs cheeks flushed brightly, hurriedly looking around just in case anyone was listening before coughing slightly to clear his throat. “Bits? Really Merlin? You can say vagina you know,” he grinned even if the conversation was more than a bit on the surreal side.

It was amusing to watch his random dinner companion shudder in repulsion. “Eww!” before floundering around like a fish out of water. “Freya offered to show me hers once, I was almost sick at the thought of seeing all that…that…”

“Vagina?” Arthur laughed.

Merlin screwed his face up in disgust. “Yes, that.” 

“So you’re not even a little interested in girls?” Arthur had to admit he was curious. He himself had bedded a few girls in high school, it had taken him until college until he had figured out the reason he wasn’t able to get much, if any, pleasure out of the sexual act was because he preferred – as Merlin had put it so elegantly – cock and balls to a vagina.

Merlin shook his head. “Never have been. Figured that out when I was thirteen and heard by best mate Will watching porn in the library that seeing a wide screen monitor full of…”

“Vagina,” Arthur grinned.

“That if I couldn’t even look at one without being repulsed then there was no way in hell I was going to be able to get hard enough to have sex with one.”

“Wait,” Arthur was stuck on one train of thought. “You friend was watching porn in the _library?_ ”

Merlin nodded as if it was nothing, as if his best mate hadn’t thought it slightly inappropriate to be tossing off in such a public setting.

“The librarian was a young girl who thought it was funny,” Merlin explained. “But Will didn’t deem her pretty enough to shag.”

Trying to ignore the fact he had a pulsing erection by all the talk of sex and Merlin in the same sentence Arthur reached down to try and subtly adjust himself, but if the delight suddenly appearing in Merlin’s eyes was anything to go by he hadn’t been as subtle as he had planned.

“And you implied that I was shallow.”

Merlin shrugged. “She had a lot of facial hair, weighted about three times whatever the average weight was for her age and thought wearing lycra was a new fashion statement.”

Arthur cringed at the mental image.  “Not even I could pull off Lycra.”

Feeling hot and hungry eyes roaming over his form Arthur flushed much to his frustration, cursing the fact this stranger seemed to not only be confident enough to have the balls to just invite himself to join him, but to look at him like a thirsty man  in a desert without a care in the world.

Did he not realise the sheer number of other people surrounding them?

“I don’t know,” Merlin pondered aloud. “I’d have to see it to have an opinion on that.”

Spluttering, Arthur was just about to reply with a sharp retaught of some kind when he caught sight of his step-sister gliding into the place as if she was the queen be.

By the amount of admiring looks she was on the receiving end Arthur didn’t doubt where she had gained the impression that she was one bit.  Morgana thought she was perfection personified, and she wasn’t afraid to show it.

“Arthur-“ she started before catching sight of his dinner companion. One of her neatly groomed brows raised towards her hairline as she turned her attention back towards Arthur with an amused yet intrigued expression. “Hello Arthur, I didn’t realise you were on a date.”

Arthur’s cheeks flushed in embarrassment. “Morgana!” he hissed in humiliation.

_Fuck!_

Merlin on the other hand seemed to find it delightful, his laughter filling the restaurant as he hurriedly grabbed another chair from a nearby table, completely ignoring the fact it probably wasn’t allowed without asking permission as it set off the entire balance of the floor, and gesturing for Morgana to take a seat.

Morgana did, looking pleased.

If Arthur wasn’t very much aware of their previous conversation he would have believed Merlin desired to bed Morgana, but since the bloke could hardly say the word vagina he figured he was safe on that front.

Not that was he interested, because he wasn’t!

“So, Arthur, are you going to introduce me to who you are dining with or not?” her lips curved slyly.

Merlin beat him to it. “Hi,” he waved adorably. “I’m Merlin. You want me to order you some food?”

At least he was still kind of doing his job, Arthur thought bitterly, even if it was a pathetic attempt at it.

After doing just that, Arthur noting that Merlin hadn’t complained when Morgana had ordered the beef with a scowl, only to wipe it off his face when the scrawny yet big-eared waiter once again returned with not only a grin but a white glass of wine for his step-sister.

Arthur shook his head in bewilderment. Just what was Merlin playing at? Was all the gay talk a bunch of bullshit?

“So,” Morgana took a sip before nodding at Merlin approvingly at his choice of wine. Merlin grinned widely in return, flashing Arthur a victorious look which had his own thoughts whirling.

What the fuck was he missing?

“What were you two talking about before I arrived?” she continued.

Arthur bit the inside of his cheek as he felt his entire face heat up at the thought of Morgana finding out what him and Merlin had be discussing before her entrance. It was a horrifying thought. Merlin on the other hand didn’t seem to quite understand that as he opened that big mouth of his.

“Gay sex,” he answered honestly.

Three things happened at once.

Firstly Arthur felt his entire face go pale as he refused to even look at his step-sister as he chose glaring viciously at Merlin as a more favourable option.

Secondly Morgana, clearly not having expected Merlin’s blunt answer, seemed to swallow a gush of air that left her having to wave off help as she tried to catch her breath.

And Merlin. Merlin the poor soul seemed utterly confused as to both of their reactions as he frowned, a “what’s wrong?” falling off those tempting lips of his.

Arthur glared.

Morgana, on the other hand, after recovering her breath, seemed to stare at Merlin with both an interest and amusement that honestly scared Arthur. He knew what his step-sister could be like, and he had a feeling he was about to become the subject of humiliation and embarrassment.

He wasn’t wrong.

“You don’t say,” she practically purred. “What a shame, you seem an absolute treat Merlin” she scanned him over appraisingly while being very much aware of the spike of jealously it visibly evoked within her step-brother before he tried to hide it.

She was going to have fun with this.

But she hadn’t been joking. The name Merlin seemed to fit the young lad perfectly. Looks wise it seemed as if he was a few years younger than Arthur, but he was not a child by far, and while he was slightly scrawny looking dressed in loose black clothes, and that hair of his could do with a taming, he had cheekbones a porn star would be envious of and a smile which was absolutely gorgeous.

Arthur was a lucky boy.

“Your gay like my brother than?” she wanted to make sure.

Merlin nodded, both of them ignoring Arthurs hisses of her name. “Yep. I was just telling Arthur about- _ooh,_ thanks Gwen it looks lovely” he cut himself off when their food arrived.

Arthur gaped as what looked to be a nut roasted salad was placed in front of Merlin who was devouring it with his eyes.

_“You_ ordered _food_!” he blurted out, gaining strange looks from both Morgana and Merlin.

“Of course I ordered food. I wasn’t going to very well sit here and _watch_ you eat, was I?” he frowned adorably. “Why? it’s not as if I’m going to put it on your tab or anything if that’s what your worried about, I’ve already paid at the bar.” He almost sounded offended at the implication he was a free loader.

“What’s the matter, Arthur?” Morgana frowned as well. “It is a restaurant.”

For some reason that set Arthurs rage flowing, his pissy mood from when he had first sat down returning as he clenched his fists tightly by his side as his jaw clenched. Merlin’s seemingly innocent confused expression and Morgana’s obvious disapproval was not what he had in mind when he came here for a nice glass of wine and a bite to eat after a hard day’s work.

_Fuck it_!

“Fuck off!” he snapped at Merlin who both recoiled and flinched at his harsh tone. He had the gall to look surprised! “You need to get the fuck out before I have you kicked out you useless piece of shit!”

Ok, so maybe he had gone a bit far with his last comment, but the kid couldn’t even wait on a table probably. He needed to toughen up if he wanted to make it in the social industry. When Arthur thought about it, he was doing the bloke a favour by speaking up.

“Wha-?”

“You need to leave unless-“

Arthur didn’t have time to finish his intention to threaten to have him fired – something he doubted he would have followed through with – but Merlin didn’t have to know that, when he was cut off by the rough scraping back of a chair.

“Forget it!” he waved his hands around wildly as he flustered about.

“Merlin-“ Morgana softly cut in as she too rose to her feet.

Merlin shook his head rapidly. “Forget it, it’s fine” he muttered before turning his attention to Arthur. He almost flinched at the hurt look directed his way. Merlin looked like a kicked puppy. “Next time you invite someone to join you, don’t be an ass, and definitely don’t tell them to fuck off when you’ve had enough of their company. It’s bloody rude and hurtful. Prat!”

And with that he kissed Morgana on the cheek, made a comment of how lovely she looked and he would make sure to say hello if their paths ever crossed again, before grabbing his salad and making his way to the bar to have it wrapped.

Arthur stared after him, feeling probably chastised.

“You’re an arse, Arthur” Morgana frowned as she sipped her wine. “I was very much enjoying his company. It’s no wonder you’re single if you treat all of your dates like that,” she spoke blandly.

Arthur scowled. “We weren’t on a date. I don’t even know the bloke!” he defended.

He was soon on the receiving end of a raised brow. “So your telling me that he simply invited himself to sit at your table and ordered himself some food?”

“Yes!” he said loudly. “Can you believe it?”

Morgana shrugged. “He was cute and seemed adorably sweet, why wouldn’t you take an opportunity to date or at least shag a guy like that? No offence Arthur, but it isn’t as if you are the most approachable guy in the world. I’d call it fate.”

Arthur scowled, but hated to admit that she had a point. He had been thoughtally enjoying his conversation with Merlin before he had fucked it all up, not to mention it had been _years_ since he had felt enough chemistry that he had been supporting the mother of all boners in his jeans since the young lad had sat down in front of him with that gorgeous cheeky smile.

_Fuck!_

Flagging down a young female waiter he rolled his eyes as she hurried on over, ignoring the fact it was what he would have expected from Merlin before he invited himself to join him.

“Hello Sir, is there anything I can get you?”

“I want to speak to Merlin.”

At the sound of his name the girl smiled brightly before frowning slightly. “Uh…I apologise sir, but I believe he left. He does come in a lot though, maybe you could catch him another time?”

Arthur frowned. “He works here. He was assigned this table.”

At this the girls frown deepened. She looked confused as she shook her head slightly. “We do not have a Merlin on payroll sir, only a regular customer who favours the nut roast salad. We assumed he was a guest of yours, considering he ordered your meals at the bar.”

Feeling his eyes widen as it finally hit him he ignored Morgana’s amused laugher as he glared at the girl. “What?” he demanded.

The girl shifted awkwardly on the spot. “You didn’t think he worked here did you, sir?”

Feeling flushed with humiliation he scowled, demanding the bill before turning to glare at his so called step-sister who seemed to be pissing herself with laughter.

“Fuck off!” he grunted while trying to be subtle in scanning the restaurant, partly hoping to stop the dorkiness that was Merlin while another part of him just wanted to forget the entire evening.

“What gave you the impression he worked here, Arthur?” Morgana sniggered.

Arthur shifted uncomfortably. “He was dressed in black.”

“So are you!” Morgana laughed. “What exactly did he say when he came up to you. Good evening sir, what can I get for you today?” she teased.

Thinking back to when he entered the restaurant Arthur cringed when he remembered how friendly Merlin had been, mentioning that it must have been a rough day since he looked shattered, and whether he had dined here before. When he thought about it, there had been no reason for Arthur to assume Merlin hadn’t just been another customer approaching someone who he felt an attraction to.

And there had definitely been an attraction there.

He closed his eyes, both defeated and disappointed. He had turned what could have been a nice date into making himself look like a complete and utter arse. Or prat as Merlin had referred to him as.

So much for relaxing on a Friday night.

* * *

 

Shamefully, Arthur found himself frequenting Gaius’s restaurant twice as much as usual in a desperate attempt to catch sight to the tall brunette with a delightful smile.

It had been _weeks_ since the disaster that was dinner and even Morgana was giving him the cold shoulder since she had yet to bump into Merlin.

It sucked.

His mates had also been on his back, going as far as to demand why he was being such a grouchy sod, but he couldn’t bring himself to explain his mistake and the reason he had been spending the majority of his evenings at a bar rather than out partying or relaxing at home.

His desperation had reached new limits when he had gone as far as to ask to speak to Gwen about Merlin. Merlin had spoken so fondly of her after all. That had been an awkward conversation. It was as clear as day the girl was friends with Merlin, yet not only did she refuse to give out his personal number, but she went as far as she grin at him the entire time.

It was _humiliating_.

Resting his elbows on the bar, face buried into his hands, he was minutes away from yet again calling it a night when he felt rather than heard the stool next to him being pulled back before someone took a seat.

“I heard you’ve been looking for me.”

Instantly recognising that cheerfully familiar voice Arthur snapped his head up only to grin when he caught sight of Merlin perched on the stool next to him. Unlike last time he wasn’t dressed all in black, but rather a crisp white shirt which hugged his muscles deliciously.

“Uh…hi,” he flushed awkwardly. He had been waiting for this day for the past few weeks, and yet now it had come he was rendered speechless.

Merlin’s own grin widened. “Hi.”

Clearing his throat he tried to stutter out an apology. He wasn’t used to not being confident like he was in a board room, but with Merlin…Merlin had him completely off his game.

“I…last time…we…uh…” he cleared his throat loudly. “I wanted to apologise for what happened last time. I was…uh…”

“A prat?” Merlin grinned.

“Yea,” Arthur rolled his eyes. “I was. Morgana has been on my tail since.”

His face fell. “His that why you wanted to see me?”

“No!” he blurted. “I mean, I…uh…fuck!”

Scrubbing his face with his hands he tried not to work himself up in a right state. He didn’t need to add to his embarrassment.

“I really didn’t mean to assume you were a waiter, it hadn’t even crossed my mind that you approached me out of attraction rather than service.”

Merlin laughed, throwing his head back as he displayed the milky cream white of his neck. Arthur wanted to lick it.

“I find it hard to believe you don’t get approached for dates, Arthur.” Merlin grinned, his smile widening when he saw Arthur shudder at the mention of his name falling from his lips. It hadn’t hit him until then that Merlin must have gotten his name from Gwen since he was sure he hadn’t been the one to introduce himself.

Arthur shifted awkwardly. “Most people are intimidated or want something else from me. I tend to either be defensive or oblivious.”

“And I got both ends of the barrel.”

“Eh, yea. Sorry about that.”

Smiling wide, making Arthur wonder if Merlin was simply naturally happy, he felt his head stutter with Merlin’s next question.

“So, you want to just start again? This time when I introduce myself you do the same?” his eyes sparkled.

Feeling better than he had in weeks Arthur wasn’t about to refuse such a tempting offer. “Hello Merlin, I’m Arthur.”


End file.
